An unexpected phone call.

The strangest thing happened to me the other day.
I was working from home, when my phone started ringing.
It was an unknown number.
I thought to myself, Wow, this could literally be a response from the 1000’s of emails i sent yesterday. How strange of them to call and not email? These people aren’t very known for getting back to you with haste.
I answered the phone to hear an elderly lady’s voice.
“Hello?” I said.
“Who are you??” replied the person on the other end.

“Sorry, who am I?” I was totally confused.
“Yes, who are you? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you?” she said again.
Her voice sounded confused, I could hear her clear as day, and I’d never had problems with reception before.
“Hello, you’ve called Olivia, is that who you were meant to call?”
I was being overly polite as I thought perhaps it was an elderly woman who had accidentally dialled the wrong number.
“Yes,” She replied. “Who are you?”
At this point I didn’t really know what to say.
“My name is Olivia Faith, Can I help you with anything? Have you dialled the right number?”

“Yes…” She said very confused “I said who are you?”
“My name is Olivia” I repeated.
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.” She said.
And then she hung up.

Initially, to be honest, I was afraid.
I’d been watching far too much Prison Break over the last week or so and my brain had almost convinced itself that I had the government tapping my phone and trying to track me down.
It scared me enough that I locked my doors and closed all the curtains. As STUPID as that sounds.
But. then I realised I hadn’t recently broken myself and 7 other Prisoners out of Prison recently.
Nor had I broken the law in any way, shape or form that I could ever remember, for that matter.
So I decided to rule that out.

As I continued to work I just couldn’t shake that conversation out of my mind.
“Who are you?”

I am the kind of annoying person who thinks there is a meaning for everything and that everything is either God or the Universe, or whatever it is you believe in, trying to send you a message.
So of course thats what my over-thinking brain decided it was.

Who are you?
Or even more importantly, Who the heck am I?

I’m a 21 year old female, I’m always hungry, love a good gym session, working towards my  fame and fortune, crazy in love with my boyfriend and take way too many photos of food on my Instagram.
… But is that it? Is that who I am?
When I thought about it in depth it drove my brain in circles, running around itself a million miles an hour.

People always talk about their purpose. Every book I’ve read, every talk I’ve been to. Every informative, deep and meaningful conversation I have with my way-too-wise friends. Everyone talks about their Purpose and how important it is to find your purpose. Once you do find it, THAT is who you are. Then supposedly, all of a sudden your life becomes a clear road map, you’ll see everything you’ve ever wanted on a path straight in front of you.
All you have to do is put your back into it and work for it.

So what is this “Purpose” in my life?
To count all of my “Purposes” on a hand, I would need my hand, your hand, your Mum’s hand, probably one of your Uncle’s hands and throw in your Grandma’s hands just incase I run out of fingers to count them on.
I have so much I want to do, say, achieve and believe in.
This is what had me in a Rut for a little while.
I was trying to narrow it all down, come up with one big, sparkly, shining purpose with light beams coming out of it and angels singing in the background.
I just couldn’t do it.
I felt SO lost.
Was I doing it wrong? Do I have a purpose?
Remembering what the elderly lady said to me on the phone.
WHO am I?
So…. What is my purpose?

I fell asleep. Woke up, thought about it all day. Fell asleep that night. Woke up the next day and thought about it here and there. Went to sleep again. Repeated the same thing the next day. Went to sleep. Woke up, went to the gym, came home, was cooking lunch then… BAM.
It ran me over FLAT.

I decided to go against everyone.

I decided that I cannot list who I am on a sheet of paper.
Because every single day I’m learning, changing my opinion, making mistakes, and growing into myself.
I think everyone has core beliefs. I think everyone knows what they fancy, what they aren’t fond of, what they find funny, what makes them insecure, and what fulfils them as human beings.

THAT kind of stuff you can list.

There is so much pressure in the world to have everything figured out.

I, myself, have a massive fault in spending the majority of my time bashing my brain around thinking of my next move, the next email, the next class, the next anything I can do to get myself that tiny step ahead of all the other millions of people who are in my same position.
I love that I am so ambitious and driven and hungry for success.
But it can be a massive flaw.

I find sometimes that I’m so consumed in trying to do everything and be better that I miss out on right now.
I miss out on a late breakfast in bed on a Sunday Morning.
I miss out on just going for a walk outside and enjoying the calm of doing nothing.

Half the time I forget that I’m 21 years young and am not supposed to have all the answers. Or even 1 or two answers, to be honest.

Having my brain race around itself all those days and nights about who I am and what my purpose is made me realise something completely different.

There is something incredibly beautiful in not always being right, or not being a step ahead or not knowing if they’ll ever call you back or if you’ll ever make it.
Sometimes I think thats the reason I am chasing what I’m chasing.
Because I’m addicted to the risk of it all. To the unknown.

But for the first time ever, I exhaled.
There is no point in chasing everything you want when you don’t enjoy the ride. You end up getting to the end without remembering all the experiences in the middle.

Who you are is what every single day will make of you. That means you will continue to grow and learn until the day you die.

I’ve deiced to teach myself to take a step back, take a deep breath and to love and learn  and trust every single day.

So that I don’t have to wait until my time is up to try and remember who I am, I can look back on my life and know that every single day was an extra piece to the puzzle of my life.
That along the way I found my purpose, I lived every day appreciating every second and tried to be the best human being that I could be.

Whether it was an accidental phone call, a sign from God/the Universe, or the Government trying to track me down, without even knowing, that little old lady absolutely changed me.

Olivia keepin’-the-faith Faith
xox

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