Cutie- Bae thought she had it all figured out writing to your 15-year-old self a couple of years back (feels like 90000 years ago/just yesterday, you know them ones??).
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Sitting down writing this one out, I wasn’t exactly sure how you managed to condense the last letter into a short-and-sweet 5 tips.
Then I realised there’s not a lot you need to know when you’re fifteen besides “OMG STOP IT YOUR BOOBS WILL GROW ITS FINE YOUR LIFE ISNT OVER”.
So I totally get it.
I did do my best here to smoosh these tips into as few as possible, but… LOL.
Buckle your booty up, sister-friend, do yourself a favour and go buy a helmet, knee and elbow pads. Ya’ll gonna need it!
The big, wide world is absolutely nothing like what you think it is.
Its way more beautiful than you dream and freakin’ HUGE. And I mean, not even Sydney-huge, like HUGE-HUGE-HUGE, with more millions of opportunities and people that you can ever imagine in one place at one time. So overwhelming, but run towards it, it is a magical world and it has so many blessings in store for you.
And while I’m here…
as beautiful as it is to live in a city with all those millions of people in one place, it isn’t so pretty to be stuck on a motorway in peak hour traffic with them all having panic attacks when you’re standstill in a tunnel under water for 2 hours. Save yourself the absolute cortisol rise.
Train > Car. Every time.
Do not, and I shall, will and MUST repeat… Do NOT decide to quit coffee aka Survival Juice, aka Meaning of Life, aka Maker of Sunshine and Happiness, aka funnest thing to do ever on a Saturday morning with the gal pals, aka, main reason you get out of bed every day.
I know you recon it’s a cool, new and ‘healthy’ you, but you’re just causing yourself a hell-of-a-lot of tired mornings and denying yourself of your inspired caffeine-induced bubble of life.
Live caffeine induced, always. It’s a freakin’ cute bubble and diets are bore-snore.
Yiiiiikkkeessss… the next few years will be tough (insert the helmet, elbow and knee pads here)!
How do I put this without freaking you out (super hyper-sensitive 20-year-old know-it-all) … Uhm… Well, in a nut shell, you’re basically onlllllyyyyy going to question:
a) everything you’ve ever known
b) everything you’ve ever done and
c) every human ever born.
IKR. Total no biggie.
Another way I can put it, you know when you see a cute grassy hill so you decide to roll down it but didn’t see there are actually hidden rocks and sticks and a couple of pot holes on the way down?
Yep. Perfectly accurate.
So, heads up, each one of those things you’ve known, done and peeps around you are going to change super drastically, so don’t you lose too much sleep over it.
Firstly, because it’s kinda refreshing.
But mainly because bags under your eyes and dark circles ain’t cute.
Just roll your damn-self down that super grassy and deceiving hill and trust me, you’ll come out with a (couple gnarly bruises… ouch!) new set of morals, values and a lot less baggage.
You’re going to learn a lot about people, to narrow it down are the following two stand-out lessons…
Numero Un’: You will learn that people are really going to let you down. Bad people who have horrible intentions, are blinded by money, politics and their own egos. They are too selfish for their own good, let alone yours!
But you need to forgive them, for your own sake. Unfortunately, that is life and sometimes you have to be that Guy.
You know, that 96-deep-breaths-in-and-out-and-chill-and-just-shut-up-and-just-stop-getting-angry-and-just-chill-some-more-and-no-violence-is-not-the-answer-just-get-over-it Guy? That guy.
As much as you want to hate humanity, you’ll run out of episodes of Sex and the City and Entourage and will eventually have to deal with real humans again.
Hold your head up, girl. Because I promise you it all works out PERFECTLY beyond your belief ever.
Numero Dos (don’t even know what language I am counting in ayyy): On the contrary, you will learn that there are sparkly, cutey, magic-y, bless-y, dreamy, yay-y, dope AF people all over the world who will out-friend Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda *GASP* Yah. Its possible!
They are the real deal and total go-ers. Love them and appreciate them and they will love you back and text you when you’re in a crisis and they will also offer better conversation than screaming and crying at Mr Big/the TV screen when he decides to bail on the wedding to Carrie.
IDIOT JUST TURN AROUND WHO CARES WHAT MIRANDA SAID, SHE IS GOING TO GET BACK WITH STEVE ANYWAYS YOU’RE GONNA BE DEVO. LISTEN TO YOUR HOME GIRL (me), PLEASE!!!!!
That isn’t an actual convo, it’s just sad, Girl!
You have special, special people in your life that are absolute ride-or-dies. Whether you speak every day, or once a month, or once a year, even (Hola, long distance UK – Aus friendships!) You are so, so freakin’ lucky.
Sometimes (errmm… actually, all the time 24-7), people don’t need to get you or your life, and that is totally, totally, tota-freakin’-ly A-okay.
That’s why its your life, not theirs. Duh.
And your justification is:
a) not needed to waste your precious breath on
b) not even being listened to and
c) 10589560% not worth it.
Ew, don’t be obnoxious, no one likes those people. Pride comes before the fall. People don’t need to know everything you are doing or how great things are. Same way as they don’t need to know when things aren’t so great.
Because those obnoxious people don’t care. They are asking to know the Goss, not because they genuinely want the best for you.
Speaking of wanting the best for you: Fake tan is ALWAYS a good option.
It does not ever matter how long it takes to put it on, how tired you are or how cold it is when you get out of a shower.
REMEMBER HOW GOOD YOU FEEL AS A FAKE BRONZED BABY FRESH OFF THE FAKE CRUISE SHIP FROM YOUR FAKE SUMMER HOLIDAY OF DREAMS THAT NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND ACTUALLY JUST CAME OUT OF A BOTTLE.
You need that weeeerrrkkkkk yasssss GET IT GIRL feeling. Every. Single. Day.
Don’t deny yourself of that (I say, sitting here pale as the vanilla Ice Cream I’m eating… Faithy, you hypocrite)!
Side note – Last letter, I made a profound point to highlight how you should definitely not shave your hair and dye it red and purple and pink because you will regret it. This profound point is still (partly) the case. Except that you’re going to cut your long, dark, more-than-half-way-down-your-back hair into a long bob when you’re 23 and you’re going to LOVVEEEE ITTTTTT.
And then at 24 you’re going to go back to your blonde natural locks and wonder why the actual flip you spent your life looking like a very poor attempt at a halloween Morticia Addams.
My next letter might talk about how much I regret cutting/colouring my hair again, but such is life and yolo forever.
Just don’t shave it, seriously. Never again.
So basically, at the end of this letter/horror story/fake tan advice, you’re okay, Bae.
The next few years are tougher than the total tragedy you wrongly assumed your teenage life was. But I am stinkin’ proud of you and I don’t say it enough.
You have come a long, long way from the 15-year-old Canberra girl you’ll always be.
That’s all thanks to you, girl (and mum who saves your life all the time… and is still always right…)!
Keep calm, trust and have your own back.
Peace to you, sister.
Catchya in a couple of years on the Flipside!
Don’t question that move to London.
20-year-old-Olivia: WHATTTT LONDON, NO OMG WHAT HOW WHEN WHY WHAT THE HUH WEIRD WHATTTTTTTT?
Chill, Girl. It’s the best damn-decision you will ever make in your life.
Yes, its scarier than that time you watched Exorcism of Emily Rose and actually, really, NO FREAKIN’ JOKE didn’t sleep for 6 months, but you will find your feet.
You will come out a ruthless savage who ain’t scared of anything.
Except that movie Exorcism of Emily Rose which you are still petrified stiff of.