Bye Bye Bosisto

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As I look around the empty skeletal apartment that has been the last year of my life, I notice how truly, unrecognizably empty the shell of my surroundings are. After a mere 2 days, there is not one shred of evidence left of a year filled with laughter, tears, frustrations, friendships, goals achieved, moments of let-downs and absolute, always-and-forever-abundant love.

The biggest lesson I face every single year since leaving home is the questioning of precisely that, home.
Continue reading “Bye Bye Bosisto”

Man, where did you come from? But seriously…?

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I know you’ve all probably had this lecture a thousand times in your high school history class…
But I just thought I’d give you a quick re-cap out of this encyclopaedia I just found…

Around 65 million years ago, just after the dinosaurs were extinct, there was a land where calories didn’t matter because we always ate amazing fresh food and drank delicious smoothies, mascara smudges never existed, your hair always sat perfectly, nail polish never chipped and you could wear the cute-baggy-sweater-style without looking chubby. This was Girl World and it was perfect. Everyone had sleepovers and went shopping and loved each other and were best friends with everybody and lived Happily Ever Before. (What happens before you live Happily Ever After, in case you didn’t know.)
ANYWAYS, in the middle of living this perfect life, all of a sudden a spaceship landed right in the middle of Girl World and out came these strange beings that the Girls had never seen before. They came with sweets and preservative-filled foods that tasted delicious but were bad for our figure, they all smelt bad, made weird noises out of strange areas of their bodies and ate everything in sight. As you can imagine, the Girls were thrown into a spin. What the hell are these things?
But because Girls are such amazing, beautiful, sparkly creatures of love, they welcomed these strangers with open arms. They leant them their showers, advised them to trim their beards and offered to wash their clothes so they didn’t walk around with the same t-shirt that smelt like a trash can.
The beings decided to make themselves comfortable in Girl World and decided to never leave. The Girls loved and cared for them, but were still completely confused and spent their time wondering about and questioning their strange behaviours. This created the beginning of forever.
The end.
Sorry to bore you with that history lesson.

Fast forward 65 million years. >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Even after 65 million years of research and experience, we STILL can’t figure them out. We will never fully understand the importance of a Playstation or fully understand their allergies to washing dishes.
Leading off my last post about w&w’s – Weird & Wonderful habits – I have decided to write a very short list of some of the u&u’s (Unusual & Unjust) habits our boyfriends have…
*Takes a deep breath*
Here goes nothin’!

u&u1: I never really understood why me hurting myself is so hilarious? Or why when my boyfriend accidentally drops his phone onto my face, he LAUGHS more than he actually helps me and cares about the fact that I may actually be one tooth lighter, or in need of a nose job now that he’s broken it? You can’t laugh at somebody when you’ve possibly just given them a black eye, just slightly unfair.

u&u2: Why in the world can they eat everything inside every corner of the house and NEVER gain any weight. I’m talking eggs, cheese, waffles, milk, sweets, pasta, ice cream, take away. Anything and absolutely everything. The next morning they wake up with a six pack, and two months down the track, you ask? Yeah, they’re still waking up with a six pack. Meanwhile the box of Favourites I ate 2 weeks ago are still accompanying me whilst I run on the treadmill. Metabolism?? Where did you go? I swear you were there 5 minutes ago…? Or maybe it was 5 years ago?… :\

u&u3: My schedule in the morning.
Wake up at the crack of dawn. Wash my hair. Take a million minutes to dry my hair. Style my hair. Pick out my outfit. Do my make up. Realise I hate what I’m wearing, so I pick out another outfit. Eat breakfast. Decide its way too cold outside, so I change my outfit again. Brush my teeth. Hurry out of the house before I over-think and decide to change my outfit for the 4th time.
A Boy’s schedule in the morning.
Wake up 15 minutes before he has to leave. Eat. Splash face with a bit of water. Wear any shirt, maybe even the same one he wore yesterday & the day before. Who really cares ayy? Throw on some jeans. Brush teeth. Leave, still looking better than my 3 hours of preparation had me looking?
Enough said.

u&u4:
Girl: “I hardly slept a wink last night, You know when it storms so loud that it keeps waking you up?”
Boyfriend: ” :\
Girl: “Ohhh, thats right, you slept straight through it, yeah… Don’t worry about it… :\
I will do anything to learn how to become completely deaf while I sleep and sleep through anything including storms, animals playing tips in the roof with each other, break-ins and even world wars. Please? Anybody?

u&u5: Lets settle an argument like a boy right now, okay? I’ll quickly punch you in the face, you punch me in the face, we’ll both leave the situation thinking the other guy lost and next time we se each other we’ll awkwardly say Hi, tell a few “Yo Mamma” jokes and within 5 minutes be offering the guy we know at the mechanics shop who can get you the part you need for your car really cheap. Case closed.

Gals, we love to think we understand the male gender. That we understand their mannerisms, we can tell what they are thinking or read their body language and that we know how to convince them of anything. But one thing we will NEVER understand is WHY they have managed to evolve into the most low-maintenance creatures in the world and still manage to be good looking, fit physiqued and have a care-free, no-worries mentality while never stressing about anything? I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that it is the 9th Wonder of the World..? Yep, yeah, it definitely is. It’s almost as unfair as the creation of Onesies… Let me explain, when God decided to make Onesies, he was honestly just trying to be a good bloke. Great idea, God. It is deliciously warm, comes in colours and fabrics I can wear on days off and not be frowned upon and the most perfect best friend a gal can ask for on a winter night with some hot chocolate. Genius. Right? Totally, But then you have to pee. At 3am. In winter. When it is absolutely freezing and have to get pretty much naked. Genius, but absolutely, painfully unfair. Now, to get back to the point, being honest, I’m totally jealous of the lads. I would love to spend my mornings sleeping an extra 2 hours and not having to worry if my Liquid eyeliner was symmetrical.
Except one thing I am not jealous of?
The Man-flue.
We gotta thank the big man upstairs that we can’t get contaminated with that.
Don’t know how we would deal.

All Over Red Rover.
Ohfaithy.

Olivia Faith on driving in London.

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I had a full day of filming the other day in South London. I currently am living in North London which, when you come from a small town like Canberra where it takes 20 minutes to get from the centre of the city to either side of town, seems like FOREVER away.
Now, it was my first experience driving on the highways in London, which is actually ridiculously easy. The highways/roundabouts/every road here is so clear and all make it super straight forward and basic for you to navigate yourself around the city. Not to mention that there is literally a lack of road rage. I would be lucky if I’ve heard 3 people beep their horns while I’ve been here. One was a bus, but I don’t think that counts because it was at me when I decided to run across the road at the stupidest time (Don’t kill me, Mum!). Traffic lights here go yellow before they go green, so I crossed the road assuming yellow meant that they were going to stop? BUT ANYWAYS, back to the roads, I am seriously impressed with them. As long as I managed to stay out of the way of the people flying at about 90837585374y578347scb km an hour I was safe.

Driving to the south side was the impressive part. I arrived about 15 minutes early and was surprised at how relaxed I was after driving for so long. I had expected it to be a nightmare. Only a few tiny hiccups but all-in-all an easy drive in. Anyone that knows me, knows I am a horrific driver and I can proudly say that I have sometimes gone months on end without sitting behind the wheel of a car by choice. *thumbs up* Hate it.
So after a whole day of filming, about a thousand pieces to camera, I was tired, hungry and super excited to see my new best friend when I got home, who goes by the name of My Bed. I put my address into my Map on my cute iPhone 5, I checked the time, 5:15pm and as the route came up I saw hundreds of little orange and red dots along the road I had to travel on. My face literally dropped, (I didn’t think my face could achieve any sort of expression of emotion due to exhaustion, but I was wrong, it managed.) Yikes. They were the traffic indicators, those little dots that show you where the bad traffic congestion along the roads are. (Amazingly smart on behalf of technology, but definitely NOT what I wanted to be seeing after 8 hours of filming!) I checked all 3 route options, all of them looked like they’d come down with a severe case of the chicken pox. Finally I decided to take a deep breath in and dive into it, this took a lot of convincing. I did find myself wanting to just sit in the car park for an hour and a half to let it die down. And in hindsight it would probably have been a better idea. But that is so out of character for Olivia Faith, who, of course, with her embarrassingly stubborn I’m-not-afraid-of-anything attitude wanted to tackle it head-on. Loser.
I was CRAWLING, no, not crawling, because I’m pretty sure if there was a baby crawling next to my car, it would have crossed the finish line well before I did. This continued all the way down the highway. But not just the highway,
Every
Single
Road.
It was pain if I’d ever felt it.
I found myself trying to lighten the mood thinking to myself, “Ohhhhh, right. I get it, (I didn’t) This is only this highway, once I exit in 5 miles it will be clear roads!” Wow, was I so, so wrong. I could see cars driving down the opposite side of the highway looking at all of us banked up cars like “Wow, it would definitely suck to be you!”. The exact same way I look at huge traffic queues. Except I usually try and send hand signals to the unsuspecting people driving up to the traffic to turn around before its too late. No matter how much of an idiot I look like, it is still so nice of me. Hah!
Anyways, after slugging it out (literally like a slug, because they are SO slow) for 2.5 hours, I arrived home. I stood under a shower for far too long and face planted the bed by about 9pm. It was then that I decided that if you can drive in London’s peak hour traffic, you can drive anywhere, or anything probably even trains and plains and things… SERIOUSLY.

In conclusion, Olivia Faith’s top three four tips on driving in London.
1. Wait for the traffic to die down, it AINT worth it.
2. Don’t leave your old phone with all your music on it at home. Rookie mistake.
3. Two options: Bring plenty of food or Die of starvation – your choice.
4. Do not ever, ever, EVER laugh at anybody stuck in a traffic queue. Because when karma bites your toosh, it is NOT even in the slightest bit funny.

OUT!
Ofaith.

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