I know you’ve all probably had this lecture a thousand times in your high school history class…
But I just thought I’d give you a quick re-cap out of this encyclopaedia I just found…
Around 65 million years ago, just after the dinosaurs were extinct, there was a land where calories didn’t matter because we always ate amazing fresh food and drank delicious smoothies, mascara smudges never existed, your hair always sat perfectly, nail polish never chipped and you could wear the cute-baggy-sweater-style without looking chubby. This was Girl World and it was perfect. Everyone had sleepovers and went shopping and loved each other and were best friends with everybody and lived Happily Ever Before. (What happens before you live Happily Ever After, in case you didn’t know.)
ANYWAYS, in the middle of living this perfect life, all of a sudden a spaceship landed right in the middle of Girl World and out came these strange beings that the Girls had never seen before. They came with sweets and preservative-filled foods that tasted delicious but were bad for our figure, they all smelt bad, made weird noises out of strange areas of their bodies and ate everything in sight. As you can imagine, the Girls were thrown into a spin. What the hell are these things?
But because Girls are such amazing, beautiful, sparkly creatures of love, they welcomed these strangers with open arms. They leant them their showers, advised them to trim their beards and offered to wash their clothes so they didn’t walk around with the same t-shirt that smelt like a trash can.
The beings decided to make themselves comfortable in Girl World and decided to never leave. The Girls loved and cared for them, but were still completely confused and spent their time wondering about and questioning their strange behaviours. This created the beginning of forever.
Sorry to bore you with that history lesson.
Fast forward 65 million years. >>>>>>>>>>>>>
Even after 65 million years of research and experience, we STILL can’t figure them out. We will never fully understand the importance of a Playstation or fully understand their allergies to washing dishes.
Leading off my last post about w&w’s – Weird & Wonderful habits – I have decided to write a very short list of some of the u&u’s (Unusual & Unjust) habits our boyfriends have…
*Takes a deep breath*
Here goes nothin’!
u&u1: I never really understood why me hurting myself is so hilarious? Or why when my boyfriend accidentally drops his phone onto my face, he LAUGHS more than he actually helps me and cares about the fact that I may actually be one tooth lighter, or in need of a nose job now that he’s broken it? You can’t laugh at somebody when you’ve possibly just given them a black eye, just slightly unfair.
u&u2: Why in the world can they eat everything inside every corner of the house and NEVER gain any weight. I’m talking eggs, cheese, waffles, milk, sweets, pasta, ice cream, take away. Anything and absolutely everything. The next morning they wake up with a six pack, and two months down the track, you ask? Yeah, they’re still waking up with a six pack. Meanwhile the box of Favourites I ate 2 weeks ago are still accompanying me whilst I run on the treadmill. Metabolism?? Where did you go? I swear you were there 5 minutes ago…? Or maybe it was 5 years ago?…
u&u3: My schedule in the morning.
Wake up at the crack of dawn. Wash my hair. Take a million minutes to dry my hair. Style my hair. Pick out my outfit. Do my make up. Realise I hate what I’m wearing, so I pick out another outfit. Eat breakfast. Decide its way too cold outside, so I change my outfit again. Brush my teeth. Hurry out of the house before I over-think and decide to change my outfit for the 4th time.
A Boy’s schedule in the morning.
Wake up 15 minutes before he has to leave. Eat. Splash face with a bit of water. Wear any shirt, maybe even the same one he wore yesterday & the day before. Who really cares ayy? Throw on some jeans. Brush teeth. Leave, still looking better than my 3 hours of preparation had me looking?
Girl: “I hardly slept a wink last night, You know when it storms so loud that it keeps waking you up?”
Boyfriend: ” ”
Girl: “Ohhh, thats right, you slept straight through it, yeah… Don’t worry about it… ”
I will do anything to learn how to become completely deaf while I sleep and sleep through anything including storms, animals playing tips in the roof with each other, break-ins and even world wars. Please? Anybody?
u&u5: Lets settle an argument like a boy right now, okay? I’ll quickly punch you in the face, you punch me in the face, we’ll both leave the situation thinking the other guy lost and next time we se each other we’ll awkwardly say Hi, tell a few “Yo Mamma” jokes and within 5 minutes be offering the guy we know at the mechanics shop who can get you the part you need for your car really cheap. Case closed.
Gals, we love to think we understand the male gender. That we understand their mannerisms, we can tell what they are thinking or read their body language and that we know how to convince them of anything. But one thing we will NEVER understand is WHY they have managed to evolve into the most low-maintenance creatures in the world and still manage to be good looking, fit physiqued and have a care-free, no-worries mentality while never stressing about anything? I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that it is the 9th Wonder of the World..? Yep, yeah, it definitely is. It’s almost as unfair as the creation of Onesies… Let me explain, when God decided to make Onesies, he was honestly just trying to be a good bloke. Great idea, God. It is deliciously warm, comes in colours and fabrics I can wear on days off and not be frowned upon and the most perfect best friend a gal can ask for on a winter night with some hot chocolate. Genius. Right? Totally, But then you have to pee. At 3am. In winter. When it is absolutely freezing and have to get pretty much naked. Genius, but absolutely, painfully unfair. Now, to get back to the point, being honest, I’m totally jealous of the lads. I would love to spend my mornings sleeping an extra 2 hours and not having to worry if my Liquid eyeliner was symmetrical.
Except one thing I am not jealous of?
We gotta thank the big man upstairs that we can’t get contaminated with that.
Don’t know how we would deal.
All Over Red Rover.